d4s_fic

I had this idea for a fic for this season's seasonal_spuffy, but am not 100% happy with how it flows.  For all my school years my English teachers always said things didn't make sense when I tried writing, but I have persevered since joining fandom ... so hopefully it makes enough sense for you to be able to enjoy

BtVS
Spuffy
938 words
No wranings, not even PG rated.


Written from Buffy's POV, in the days after "Chosen" ... and going AU from there.



Burning Love

“No, you don’t, but thanks for saying it”

Why did he say that?

Despite the flames, the pain, and the scars I now have on my hand, all I can think of are his words.  “No, you don’t”

But there again I have always been the queen of mixed signals.  I had grabbed him, then run away.  I had accepted his comfort, yet gone off by myself.  He never knew how I would greet him, or even if I would greet him.  So how was he to expect an honest statement from me?

But I did love him, I do love him.

The space in my life now is huge, bigger than when I first let Heaven.  How could I not realise that he was my Heaven, my comfort, my everything.  All I have now are the memories, and the millions if wishes and regrets …

And the scars

My heart is scarred, but no one can see those or even want to know that they are there.

My hand is scarred, and all everyone wants me to do is get Willow to get rid of the scars.  But even though we have got past arguments behind us, I am not letting her remove them.  They are the last link with him, the last visible memory of my love, my vampire, my William.

Hours, or was it days, or even weeks.  The pain in my heart seemed to increase.  Those around me are getting their lives back on track.  I think Giles is steering clear of me at present - He wanted me to tell him what I was planning to do with my future to do, the day after the battle.  I answered him by just turning my back on him, otherwise what I would have said would have permanently finished our relationship.

 Dawn brings me food, but mostly just looks at me with questions, and worry, in her eyes.  I know that at some point I need to speak to her, and the others.  However, she did side with the others in throwing me out of my own house.  At least HE was there, HE saved me … again.

How can I move on with my life with my anchor missing?  What am I meant to do now?  How can everyone just expect me to move on, to forget him?

My hand itches.

My heart is sore.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow will bring things a bit more into focus.  Maybe I shall feel a bit more balanced, but somehow, I doubt it.

###


Another day.

Another day to drift through.

Another day to not know how to spend the time.

But …

…. Well, that’s different, anyway.

As I look at my hand it looks as if it’s alight again.  The pain is not there, but the image is.  It had taken Willow some time to focus on my hand to be able to see the flames, and she just says that it’s odd, but is not concerned … or if she is worried, she isn’t saying anything.

As I sit and watch the flames, the image of his hand in mine seems to come even clearer.

Flames

Clasped hands

Flames

Clasped hands

"Buffy!"  At long last my mind broke away from that image.  Willow was literally shouting at me.  As I looked at her, she just added "I have been trying to get your attention for a few minutes, are you OK?"

“Oh, ummm, yes.”  I stammered an answer and tried to re-focus on the room in general rather than the image of burning hands.  “What did you want?”

“That phone call was from Fred, you know she works with Angel.”

“So, what does Angel want?”

“Actually, what he wants is for you not to know.  However, Fred thinks that you need to know the truth.”  Willow explained.

“So, what decision has Angel made on my behalf?”  I had cleared the air with Willow over quite a few things, recently, including how I was fed up with the older vampire.  Having spent time with Spike, I realised how the two vampires were so totally different.  They both did things for my good, yet Angel’s idea of that was to tell me what to do, whereas Spike was just willing to be there and help however he was needed.

“Apparently yesterday’s post brought a surprise parcel to the offices.  When they opened it, out came a ghost,” Willow began to explain.  “It is Spike.”

“Sp..sp..spike”.

“Yes, he is a ghost.  But his first question was asking about you, so Fred thought you needed to know.”  Willow finished the explanation.

Collapsing back in my seat I stared at the flames around my hand.

Willow let me absorb facts, but was stunned when I abruptly stood up and announced that they were going to LA.

###

I travelled with Dawn and Willow and made good time in getting to Angel’s offices, although nowhere near fast enough for me.  We arrived and walked into his personal office without waiting to be announced.  As luck would have it, Spike had just popped back into the room.  I ignored Angel and walked straight up to Spike with my burning hand extended, and to everyone’s shock grabbed the ghostly hand that stretched out towards me.  Rather than nothing happening, the hands re-connected, the flames burnt bright, and with a loud pop Spike became fully solid again.

And so we just extended our touch into a full comforting hug, and a few moments later, without a word to the others in the room, walked out into their future arm in arm.

For this session of seasonal_spuffy I have also written a BtVS Season 7 story - but I warn you all now. It is totally un beta's, so if there are any mistakes please let me know ... sorry, in advance!






Slayers don’t suffer with claustrophobia. They live with impending death. However, tonight Buffy wasn’t coping.

She needed to get away from the house, but the silence of Sunnydale was, in itself, deafening. So she sat on the front porch and let herself find the peace that she had been looking for, over the last few weeks.

The house was full, in stark contrast to the emptiness of the town. Both were heading towards “tomorrow”. What that day would bring was only something that could be guessed upon at this time. So, she sat and let her body relax and let her mind find peace, and therefore the strength that Giles had been trying to get her to achieve over the last few years.

She was facing the biggest challenge of her life – not that fighting the first evil wouldn’t be a contest, but for tonight that coming battle paled into insignificance to the conversation that she knew she wanted to have with one of the members of her extended household.

At long last she felt ready to face her nemesis.

~#~#~

Could a vampire become hypnotised? What a question to wonder at. However, the more Spike looked at the amulet in his hand, the less he wanted to think about the coming battle.

Mainly he was amazed and incredibly proud that Buffy had called him a Champion, and had given him the jewellery to wear. But he also wondered what power it really contained. As he was always saying, “magic has its consequences”.

So all in all he felt happier to just sit at rest. He had achieved real peace with his soul over the last few days, helped by Buffy’s acceptance of his presence, but also in being able to put his Mum’s death behind him. After over 100 years he realised that he was at peace with himself and if he were to die in the coming conflict, he knew that he had achieved a personal reconciliation which could never be taken from him.

~#~#~

She quietly walked down the steps to the basement, so that she didn’t lose her own determination.

The peace that he was experiencing was further increased with the realisation that she had come to spend some of her precious time with him again. He had no allusions that she would stay, as tonight may be the last day of the world; Spike knew that she would be spending time with her sister and the Scoobies. So he was thankful for these few crumbs that she was handing him.

As he stood up at her approach he thought that she looked nervous. He tried to decide whether to tease her out of her melancholy or if he should try to give her some positive advice. As he was still trying to work out what to say to her, she cleared her throat and muttered something.

“What was that, Pet?” Spike had been so lost in his own thoughts that even his sensitive ears had failed to make sense of her opening words.

“Ermmm. Sorry. I had this speech all worked out. Now I am here my brain seems to have gone to mush.” Buffy eventually spoke in a clear tone.

“Let’s get comfy and then we can have that chat.” Spike didn’t lose eye contact as he walked back to sit on the edge of his cot. Slowly she followed him to sit next to him. As she sat down she turned slightly, so that she was still facing him and then, much to his shock, she leant forwards and took his nearest hand in one of hers.

“Do you remember the Thanksgiving Meal that I made a couple of years ago?” Buffy’s opening question seemed to bring Spike back from the amazing place that he had drifted to when she had taken his hand in hers.

“Yes, no one bled near enough to allow me to eat them. Or was it the Indian attack that you are remembering?” Buffy so wanted to correct him in his terminology of their attackers, but as she didn’t want to get side-tracked she let it go.

“No. What I was thinking of was the actual reason I wanted to do Thanksgiving. I wanted to show Mom that even though she was away I didn’t miss her at all. I was all grown-up. Poor Giles having to host my plans. However in the muddle of panic shopping, cooking and fighting I realised that I was still with family. Giles had been my Dad when Dad was missing. Xander & Willow were my brother & sister.”

“True, Pet. True friends are family, special to you. There in times of need.”

“So … “ Again Buffy seemed lost for words. She had always said that Buffy & words were non-mixy, but she knew she needed the words now. “My family are all here tonight. That same family as well as my sister and sister-slayer, and we have a big day coming.” As Buffy started to stammer and ramble Spike guessed that his few moments were going to be up soon, and wondered if there was any legitimate reason he could use to delay that departure.

“So, Thanksgiving is just a date on a calendar, isn’t it?” Buffy continued to ramble. “Whatever tomorrow brings I have lots to be thankful for now. However there is one very special person I haven’t mentioned (*Oh no, not Peaches* thought Spike), and that is you.”

“What?” Spike finally interrupted.

“Yes, Spike. You are someone I am so thankful for. You have been there for me, especially over the last 3 years. You have taken my abuse, my insults, even my fists. Yet here you still are. You have even gotten your soul. I need to say thank you.”

“But …”

“No Spike, I know what you are going to say. That one moment in time was the result of weeks of my abusing you. I forgave you at the time, and again I never told you that. If I hadn’t forgiven you, do you think I would have brought Dawn to you for you to keep her safe? You have forgiven me for so much, and you continue to forgive me. So …”

“Buffy – “

“No Spike, let me finish. I want you to do one more thing for me. It should be easy as you have already done so much. Can you please forgive yourself?”

Silence surrounded them, but it was a silence that they were able to absorb as peace.

Silence.

Calm

Forgiveness.

Peace.

Despite what their history and what they guessed their future held; years of history washed over them both, leaving them cleansed, leaving them both at peace.

At last Buffy straightened up again, and Spike accepted her movement knowing that whatever the coming battle brought he would fight to protect her, as he had for years. But with that acceptance, he also knew that her family and friends needed to now spend time with her as well. But, she didn’t stand up. Instead she took the arm closest to her and wrapped it around her shoulders … and relaxed back onto him, slightly turning into him in a memory of how they had rested in that stranger’s bed.

Buffy’s breathing began to even out and Spike was sure she was drifting asleep. However he was proved wrong; as she mumbled quietly, not wanting to shatter the peace, but thankful for his vampire hearing.

“Spike, thank you for everything.”

Peace settled deeper around them.

“Spike” she continued, quieter than ever, “I love you”

“I know Pet, but thanks for saying it.”

Peace.

Calm.

Love.

What more could that final night hold for them both???





Fade to black ……

NORMAL


What an evening, Snyder and Mom just had to meet. Then Spike. Why can’t I just be a normal sixteen year old girl?

Fist and fangs. I have my weapons already, even though others make me feel manly. One hundred years of unlife goes so quickly, and even faster if I don’t play by the rules. Why wait for St, Vigeous, why would I want to be a normal vampire?

Slayer and vampire – so similar in many ways.

Who is the more normal? A girl with power who wants peace and quiet, or a vampire who flouts the Aurelian rules?

##

No beta, so sorry for any mistakes.



.

Chosen, for one good day?

Chosen as a cheerleader.
Chosen as a May Queen.
Chosen to be "The One".

Why me?

The outfits used to be cute, and all that I had to worry about was when the next shoe sale was. Now I have to choose which outfit wont show blood stains, and what shoes are comfortable to run across graveyards in.

Will I ever get to choose a boyfriend who just wants to be with me? One who I want to be with?

Or will I choose to tell Mom one final lie and let one random vampire have his "one good day"?

This is written on the last night before the final battle in "Chosen" - and are Spike's thoughts as he sits "waiting for tomorrow".

Thanks, again to mabel_marsters  for her help.




“Waiting For Tomorrow”


I believe we can defeat the First Evil tomorrow. I have no doubts about that, at all.

After all, we now have a new plan. One that Buffy has given us. A positive hope for a better, more peaceful future.

When it comes down to it, everything is because of her. That one girl in all the world, my enemy, my partner, the slayer.

My love for her is everything .

I learned it when I was a child, now over a century later, I finally believe the words.

“Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.”

As I warned you some weeks ago, I was mad enough to sign up for the schmoop_bingo  challenge ... and here is another Spuffy offering. Mega thanks, again, to mabel_marsters 

It is set in an AU season 6, after Tabula Rasa ... and has 684 words, and uses the prompt "pet".


Who Needs A Pet?

“Come on guys, I need someone to stake me.” At least Spike knew that in saying that phrase in the back room of Willy’s would get him the loan of a kitten, rather than the more permanent answer that some of the Scooby’s would have preferred.

“OK, Spike. I’ve had some good luck, so here’s a tabby.” Clem, as always, was happy to help his friend. He understood that Spike was finding life hard at present. After days of sadness, the slayer had come back. Then Clem had watched Spike pushed out, and therefore having to watch Buffy struggling with her resurrection. His heart went out to the vampire, who was again proving how much love’s bitch he always was.

Once the kittens were in the basket, the game progressed.

Spike, as ever, did well. One advantage he had noticed in the early days of being a vampire is that he could hear heart-beats. Great when you’re the hunter ... even better to know who’s bluffing on a bet.

He paid Clem back his loan, gave him an extra one in thanks, and selected the pick of the winnings. At that he swept out of the door without a backward glance.

Over the last few weeks he knew that Clem had been concerned about him, but what his friend didn’t know was that Buffy was slowly working through her problems.

Maybe it would have been harder if Giles had gone back to England as he had originally planned. However, after the revelations caused by first the singing, and then the memory loss, the watcher had decided to stay with his girl, and help her find a sympathetic counsellor. He had even managed to find Buffy work as a fitness instructor to help pay the bills.

So, Spike was happy, happier than he had been in many years. He was watching his girls being happy, and their friends were slowly working out their differences.

All they were missing was a pet.

Sadly he knew that one day Buffy would feel up to dating, but until then he could enjoy being their friend ... and providing them with the missing member of the household.

He stood under his favourite tree, smoking his cigarette, and trying to tell himself that the girls would love his gift. So focussed was he on both tasks that when Buffy spoke to him he almost dropped the kitten. In grabbing her she scratched at his hand, so he started apologising and swearing at the bundle of fur.

Buffy for her part started giggling.

“Did the nasty monster hurt the big bad vampire?” Buffy choked out her question.

Spike was too happy at seeing her chuckle to take offense, and continued to swear at the feline. In mock horror, Buffy took the kitten in her hands and started stroking the soft fur.

“Poor baby. Are you OK? Did the big man upset you with those naughty words?” Her joking questioning transferred to her four-legged companion.

The three of them made their way indoors, where Buffy sat down with the kitten curled up on her lap.

“I thought you could do with a friend when you get in from patrolling late.” Spike tried to find an explanation that would be all right behind the reasoning for his gift. “She won’t take much care, but will be company for both of you.” He paused, before adding “and, protect you from those nasty vampires, as well.” Spike made a show of rubbing his scratched hand, while glaring at Buffy’s feline protector.

“Thank you, Spike” Buffy was touched by the gift. “Has she a name?”

“No, I thought you and the bit can decide, as she’s your girl.”

Buffy carefully stood up and for the second time leant slowly forward to give him a gentle kiss. They may have kissed a lot while ‘engaged’, but this kiss was as special as the first one she had given him.

As they parted, Spike stretched his hand out to stroke between the kitten’s ears, before quietly leaving the new girl to get settled in.

I did get a card from schmoop_bingo  ... and did write this as my first fic on the card, in June 2010.  

Mega thanks, again, to mabel_marsters ... if you hear she has run away, you'll know why!

Its 1,000 words long and set immediately after BtVS finishes, with the prompt "Day at the Beach"



( Wanting Just One Answer )

THE AIR SMELLED OF SUNRISE.

The air smelled of sunrise, he knew he had to stand up and head for his crypt.
How much longer could he continue with his life?

Patrolling with the Scoobies, then sitting with his girl. Patrolling without the Scoobies, then sitting with his slayer. Her place of rest was protected, her sister was cared for, her friends were looked after and her calling was continued.

Without her, how much longer could he continue with his life?

"'Till the end of the world" ... Thats how long.

Here is another of the Drabbles I wrote in Jamuary 2010, shinybaum challenged me for a drabble about Spike and a clipboard ...

It is longer, being 236 words long, and is set in Season 4, during "Where The Wild Things Are" ... and is beta'd by kudagirl 

~~~

Who's The Winner?

"Right I'm off to find the drink!" With those words Spike walked confidently across the room of Lowell House, leaving a surprised Anya and Xander in the doorway.

Although he swaggered among the people, inside he was worried that the apparent fog would wear off and he would be noticed as the missing Hostile 17.

"Drink" he muttered to himself as he spotted a table set round a corner in the quietest corner. Once there he approved the soldier's taste and poured himself a tumbler of JD and leant against the wall taking in the surrounding spectacle.

As he relaxed he knocked something off the wall, and bending to pick it up he saw it was one of the many sheets of lists that military people seem to collect. Hanging back the clipboard on its pin he spotted The Slayer's name in some of the boxes, and tracking across the rows he noticed it was aligned to the slot where Riley's name was. Puzzled he studied the sheet further and found that the top row was a list that made the Kama Sutra look polite.

For the first time ever Spike envied Riley. The Initiative may spend their working days mutilating Demons, but in the spare time, they found more interesting ways to make use of army equipment.

An army score sheet, with a difference ... and it looked as if Buffy would be the winner.